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Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Meeting our Birth Mom

P and I flew to Arizona this past weekend to meet our birth mom, E.  I didn't sleep for days leading up to our trip.  By the time we flew into Arizona and then drove 3 hours to where E lives, I was exhausted.  But there wasn't any time to be tired.  We were meeting her and her friend for dinner.  I was so, so nervous!  P was nervous too.  But when we arrived at the restaurant and we walked in and saw E, everything was alright.  It was just like meeting an old friend.  We handed her the gift basket we brought (Bath and Body lotions, shower gel, foot scrub, socks, lip gloss, loofah, etc), and hugged.  It was so nice to FINALLY be able to meet the woman who is giving us the opportunity to be parents.  I was expecting a full blown Q&A session at dinner, but that wasn't how it was.  We just talked and caught up on each other's lives.

Dessert was brought and then E asked if we had any questions.  I only had 2 unanswered questions.  I asked if she was ok talking about the father.  She showed us a picture of him and told us he was an Ex-Marine who felt like he'd been given a raw deal and the world owed him everything.  She doesn't know where he is now and that was really all she said about him.  It was nice to just be able to put a little description and a face to the father.  It really helped put my mind at ease.  Then I asked if she had a birth plan yet.  She said she hadn't made one yet, but was doing that with her case worker the next time they met.  I was a little disappointed she didn't have that in place, but I can handle waiting a little longer.  We were at dinner for about 2 1/2 hours and then I think we were all tired, so we said goodbye until the next day.

The next day we took E to lunch, just the 3 of us.  It was a little better to have her all to ourselves, so we could talk more and get to know her better.  We brought our Android Tablet and showed her pictures of our families and our home, and let her get to know us a little better.  She seemed really interested and liked looking at everything.  After lunch we met her two sisters at the bowling alley.  We bowled a couple of games, and again, it wasn't a Q&A session.  It was just friends getting together and getting to know each other.  I really liked her sisters and P was totally on his game.  He is so good with new people and instantly puts them at ease.  He was funny and charming and really stole the show.  I'm a little more shy and reserved, but I think they liked both of us.  After the bowling was over, E asked if we had plans for the next day.  We didn't, so she asked if we would like to meet her parents.  We, of course, said yes.  She told us her mom was having a really hard time with everything, so she didn't know if she would be there, but she would like us to meet her dad.  She said she'd text us in the morning and let us know the plan.

That night, P and I went to dinner and a movie.  It was nice to be out, just the two of us, and be able to spend time together.  We are together ALOT, but most of the time we are with either our family and friends.  Not very often do just the two of us get to go out alone.  I loved being able to have him all to myself. :)

The next day, E asked if we would come to her parents house for dinner at 5.  Both P and I were beyond nervous.  We weren't sure if her mom would welcome us or if she would be stand offish towards us.  I was worried there might be a confrontation of some kind.  But that night we arrived for dinner and all our worries were put aside.  Both E's parents were kind and hospitable.  We were there for about 3 1/2 hours and we just told stories, and ate.  It felt like being at our own families.  We fit right in and we loved them all instantly.  E's sisters, brother-in-law and nephews and niece were all there too.  The kids were adorable!!  It was an absolutely wonderful evening.

As we were leaving, E and her dad walked us out to our car.  E's dad explained that E's mom was having a really hard time and he was trying to help her see that this really was the best thing for E.  It seems like E's dad is such a wonderful support to her.  I liked him instantly.  He is such a great guy!  I got kind of choked up when I told them that we understood how difficult this is for them, and that we were so grateful for the decision E has made.  Both E and her dad said they were both so excited for us to start our family and what a great thing this is.  What an amazing family!  Seriously, we are so lucky.  E did say that it was important we met her family before we met at the hospital, so it wouldn't be so hard.  That was a weight lifted off both P and I.  We weren't sure if she wanted us there after the baby was born, but it sounds like we'll get to be there.  She also said there will come a point after the baby is born that she will want to back off from communication so she can heal and so we can be our own family.  I'm willing to do what she wants, but I hope she wants to have a part in this babies life.  I want the baby to know his amazing, wonderful birth mom.

I can definitely see Heavenly Father's hand in this.  The way E came to find us, the way her family is so much  like mine and P's.  The way we both seem to want the same kind of openness.  This has truly been a humbling, strengthening experience.  There are only 14 weeks left until we see E again.  Only that time, we'll be coming home with a baby.  Oh, joy!!

3 comments:

Que and Brittany are Hoping to Adopt!

Oh how wonderful! I'm so glad you got to meet her and that it went so well! I hope the next 15 weeks flies by!

Que and Brittany are Hoping to Adopt!

Can I congratulate you on your match on my blog? I know you only use initials here, so I wasn't sure if you were comfortable with that sort of thing?

Rachel

I am putting together that two of the blogs I read are the same person. :) I am SOOOOOO excited for you! SO excited! It sounds like this was the perfect weekend with E! I will be praying like crazy for you in the coming weeks. When is her due date?? Feel free to email me directly if you ever want to talk or vent--adoption is such a crazy experience with so many emotions! I have felt it all, so feel free to contact me ANY time!!!! rachel dot nielson at hotmail dot com.

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