Monday, April 16, 2012

Your Baby

I got a call from a friend yesterday asking, "When is your baby due again?".  I didn't say anything for a second, and then laughed nervously.  It was such a wonderful question.  No one had ever phrased it like that.  When is YOUR baby due?  It felt like a question you would ask if I were pregnant.  I told my friend that was weird to hear her say that and she said, Well, it is your baby.  Just because it's coming a different way doesn't mean it's not your baby.  I so appreciated that she would ask me that question.  Most people say, THE baby, or when is the birth mom due.  They don't really associate the baby with US.  That was the most beautiful question I've heard.  When is MY baby due.  Love it!!

Monday, April 2, 2012

Freaking Out!

So this weekend, we told our families that we've been chosen.  We did a really cute poster to tell them the announcement and they were all in shock.  I've never seen them so happy and excited.  There were a lot of tears and hugs.  It was such an awesome, amazing weekend.  We figured since we'd told our families, we could tell our friends and it has just spread like wildfire.  Everyone is so supportive and excited for us.  But now, I'm having "teller's remorse".  I am FREAKING OUT!!!  What if she changes her mind? We should have waited.  We should have waited a few weeks or months to make sure she didn't want to change her mind.  I just keep praying that she continually feels the peace and comfort she originally felt when she decided to choose us.  When does this get easier?  I am SO, SO happy and can't wait to welcome this little boy into our lives, but there is still so much uncertainty.  I keep repeating Faith and Fear cannot co-exist.....choose Faith.  But, it's not really working.  I can't concentrate.  I just keep looking for emails from her telling us she made a mistake.  She's changed her mind.  I can't handle it.  The devastation.  The pity and sorrow and sadness we'd get from other people.  And then when I think to myself, you wouldn't be able to handle it, I instantly say to myself, Of course you can handle it.  You can handle it because that's what you do.  You can handle it because there's nothing else you can do.

And what are the odds, that in less than a week, she would all of a sudden realize she made a mistake.  This isn't like buying a pair of shoes.  This is the biggest decision of her life.  Hopefully, she was 100% sure.  Hopefully, the decision was prayerful and she received confirmation.  Hopefully, she see's us as her partners in this.

Ok, I've just calmed down a little.  I just received an email from E asking if we told any of our family the happy news.  For now, it's ok.  For now, she's still chosen us.  Just breathe.  Have Faith.  You can do this.