Monday, May 14, 2012

Celebrating Being a Mommy to Be

Mother's Day has been a hard day for me for a number of years and as such, I usually turn off my alarm (or not even set it) on Mother's Day, curl back up in my bed and wait to enter the waking world until late afternoon.  In the past 12 years, I have only been to church on Mother's Day a handful of times.  Ever since my mom passed away, I found church on Mother's Day to be extremely painful.  It was hard for me to hear everyone talking about how special their mom's were and how grateful they were to have them around.  It was just too difficult and I found myself getting very angry thinking about how I didn't have my mom around to celebrate with.  Then once we started trying to have kids, and were unable to, it just made Mother's Day unbearable.  That was the one day a year, where I just felt like I was given a raw deal.  I was sulky and mean.  How unfair that not only do I not have a mother around anymore, but I don't get to be a mother?!  So I'd sleep in, eat whatever I wanted, watch TV (Gasp! On a Sunday!), and then suck it up because we still had to go celebrate with P's mom.  P's mom was and is great.  She always made me feel comfortable and always asked about my mom.  I think she knows what a hard day Mother's Day is for me.

This Mother's Day was a little different.  While I still miss my mom incredibly and was a little tentative to attend church, this year I had hope.  I am a mommy-to-be!  I had something to celebrate!  P brought me flowers and a gift card on Saturday night.  Then on Sunday he wrote me the sweetest, most thoughtful card.  Church was still a little hard, but the speaker said something that brought tears to my eyes:  Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers and the women who wish to be mothers.  Overall, it was a good Sunday and I am so thankful for my beautiful mom.  She was a great example of the mom I hope to be.  Although I only had her for 21 years, she taught me life-long lessons.  I know she is with my little baby boy right now, strengthening and preparing him for this journey we call life. :)


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