Tuesday, November 29, 2011

I Promise.....

I had a wonderful thanksgiving weekend with P's family.  We had a great time.  We got to spend hours with our nieces and nephews, which I loved.  But I couldn't help but feel a little sadness.  I wanted to be a part of this special club of parents.  I wanted my mother-in-law to take our baby onto her lap and read books.  I wanted my father-in-law to pick our baby up to take them to look at something they are pointing at.  I wanted my baby to be cuddled, and cooed and spoiled with attention. I wanted to belong.  I wanted to load up the car with play pens and diaper bags and blankets.  I wanted my thanksgiving meal to get cold because I was attending to our baby.  I wanted to be so tired the next morning because I was up all night with our baby.  The things that most mothers complain about, I can't wait to have!  I'm ready to have my life disrupted by a beautiful little baby.

I promise I won't complain about the lack of sleep, or the lack of warm food, or the lack of clean clothes or a clean house.  I promise I won't complain about having no "me" time.  I promise.  Just give me the chance.......

Friday, November 4, 2011

Let the Crying Continue.........

I am so touched by the overwhelming love and support we have gotten as we journey through this adoption process.  My friends and family on Facebook are sending out our link again without me even asking them too!  It is so touching and I am just so incredibly grateful that I have been blessed with such wonderful people in my life. I am truly a lucky girl!

Thursday, November 3, 2011

A Big Crybaby

If I didn't know any better, I would think I was pregnant!!!  My emotions are all over the place.  I find myself crying at the drop of a hat.  I was driving home today and was on the freeway and there was a man standing on the side of road holding a sign that said, "Out of work, have 2 girls.  Any help is appreciated."  I started crying because I didn't have any cash to give him.  I felt awful!  Then I was talking to my cousin on Facebook and she is back at work after being on maternity leave and I started crying because she has to leave her sweet baby every day to go to work.  Yesterday was no better.  I went VT to the sweetest woman who just miscarried after 17 weeks.  This was her second miscarriage this year.  As we were talking, I had to fight back the tears because they were just threatening to come gushing out.  I just felt awful for her!  She has two adorable little girls, but I know the desire to build your family and I wished so badly I could just give her what she wanted.  The 2nd woman we VT has adopted two little boys and is currently doing foster care.  I felt myself coming to tears again as I was talking with her.  I just feel like my emotions are so at the brink of just spilling over every single minute.

My friend called me yesterday to talk some more about the 14 year old girl that is pregnant.  Her mom would like to meet with us.  I found out she's having a girl.  I started crying because I've always felt there is a little girl out there for us and this might be her.  P and I are calling the mom today to see if we can meet with her and then if she likes us, she will let us meet her daughter and see if she wants to place with us.  It is so hard!  I never get my hopes up and I'm always very cautious, but I can't help but imagine if we had that little girl.  P is the cutest husband ever.  After I called him and told him about the possible meeting, we decided we should call our case worker and see how to proceed.  After we hung up, P's mom stopped by so I couldn't call our caseworker.  While I was visiting with P's mom, P called.  He was so excited to know what our caseworker had said.  He wants a little baby just as badly as I do.  He is going to be a WONDERFUL father.  I seriously don't know a better man.  He is such a loving, forgiving, caring, supportive guy!  I am so in love with him.

I was really having a bad night last night and of course I was crying and P asked what was wrong.  I told him that I just wished life didn't have to be so hard.  He said the perfect thing, "Our life isn't that hard.  We are facing some difficult challenges, but it's not hard.  We are really lucky and blessed."  He was right.  We are sooooo blessed.  When I think of the challenges and trials others have to go through, I know I am extremely blessed.

We'll make it through this and all our other challenges we're facing right now.  Someday when we have our little family, we will look back on our trials and be grateful for where they led us.