Monday, October 31, 2011

Coincidence or Fate?

About two years ago, my friend called me and told me she had a dream.  She dreamt that one of her YW had become pregnant and I ended up adopting the baby.  We laughed about it and I put it out of my head.  A few months later I was walking into Wal-Mart with P when I got an email from my friend.  This YW was pregnant and was placing her baby for adoption.  However, she had already chosen a family.  But my friend wanted to know if we would be interested if the family fell through.  I remember my heart started pounding and I couldn't believe what I was reading.  P and I hadn't really discussed adoption yet at this point, but, I emailed my friend back and told her I would absolutely be interested.  Everything worked out for this young girl and the family she chose, but I was amazed at the insight of my friend.

My friend called me last week and told me this same YW was now the birth mom advocate for her FSA chapter and she would love to have some of our pass along cards to give to potential birth moms.  Talk about excited.  Maybe this YW was meant to help us find our birth mom.  I've emailed her and sent her some of our pass along cards.  I'm hopeful that putting our cards directly into potential birth mom's hands may be the answer to our prayers.

I posted our website on Facebook and asked my friends to please share it on their walls as well.  I had more friends than I could count share our website and we've had hundreds of hits on our website because of it.  I'm more hopeful than I've been in a long time.  The more people who know, the more chances of us becoming parents soon!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Another Lead?

I got a call from a friend today.  Her mom was talking to their mail lady and found out her daughter was 14 years old, pregnant and due in March..  The mom really wants her daughter to place the baby, but the daughter wants to parent.  My friend's mom told her we were adopting and asked if her daughter might be interested.  My friend was calling to find out what she should do.  I told her to have the girl look at my blog and if she wanted to talk to us, just to explore her options, that would be great.  I told my friend we would not pressure the girl if she wanted to talk, we would just let her ask questions about how the adoption would be.  I like that we are having leads, but I would love to actually meet our birth mom and bring our baby home soon!  I was reading one of the blogs I follow and they were just chosen for their 2nd baby.  I felt a huge pang of jealousy.  They have one adorable adopted son and are about to have another baby.  It hurt.  It hurts not knowing when or if this will happen for us.    P and I are so ready.

Monday, October 17, 2011


Well, we had an interesting weekend.  We went out of town to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary.  As we were driving Friday night, I checked my email and saw a subject that grabbed my attention:  baby girl.  My heart skipped a beat and then just started beating super fast in my chest.  I shoved the phone in P's face so he could see it as well.  Then I opened the email and began to read:  "Hi.  I saw your profile.  I would like to talk to you.  Can I have a number to call?  I am due Oct. 29th."  I was instantly skeptical.  This didn't seem normal.  It didn't seem in line with the other birth mom's I'd listened to.  I instantly sent the email to our case worker and called her.  She was also skeptical but told me to go ahead and email her back and see if we could get more information.  So I emailed her back to see if we could set up a time to talk the next day.  She emailed me right back and said she really wanted to talk that night and could I send her a number.  So I emailed her back and gave her my number.  Then we waited.  Nothing.  No phone call and no email back.  So we went about our night, checked into our hotel and went to sleep.

The next morning we were woken up by a phone call at 7:00 a.m.  Seriously!  7:00 a.m!  On a Saturday!  I didn't get to my phone in time to answer it, but she called back 10 minutes later.  It was from a Private Number. I answered the phone and we started talking.  She said her name was Kenzlee.  I asked her how she was doing and she said she was having contractions.  I asked her if she was working with a case worker and she said, yes. With LDS.  I asked her the case worker's name and she said it was Rachel Alexander.  It was extremely awkward and uncomfortable.  I started to ask her questions and the phone went dead.  I was confused.  Did she not like us?  Did her phone die?  P and I were still a little skeptical and her voice seemed fake, so we didn't know what to do.  I emailed her back and told her we would love to talk again and to call us back when she could.  And then we waited.  Nothing......until 6:30 that night.

I answered the phone and started talking to her.  She said her contractions were 10 minutes apart.  I asked her if she lived with someone.  She said she lived alone.  I asked if she had family close by.  She said no.  She said she would drive herself to the hospital.  I asked her if she had any friends to take her.  She said no.  I asked if she could contact her case worker and she said no.  So I asked her if she had any questions about us.  She did.  She wanted to know how old we were, if we had always lived in Utah, if we were planning on staying in Utah, if we had any other children, if we were ready to be parents at any time (remember, her due date was 2 weeks away).  She asked what our hobbies were and what we did for work.  Then I started asking her questions.  She said she was in a band and she played guitar and sang.  She liked to read.  She was still in contact with her family and they were in SLC (although just a minute ago she said she didn't have family close by).  She was 19.  She said she really wanted to meet because she was going to have the baby any day and she needed to make a decision.  So I asked her if we could get our case workers to set up a time to meet and then the phone went dead......again.  This time I was more upset.  I felt the only reason she stayed on the phone so long this time was because we were talking about her.  I felt strongly this wasn't a girl who was pregnant, but a girl who was terribly troubled and lonely.  As I told P about the call, I started to cry just a little.  I was so upset that the first contact we'd had was with a  fraud.  It wasn't real.  But we both had felt that it was suspicious from the start, so we had never allowed ourselves to get our hopes up.

That night we got another call from Kenzlee, at 10:30 p.m.  P answered the phone this time.  He asked her why the phone kept dying.  She said she had bad coverage and she had to wait until she had service (uh, really?  You live in SLC).  P said that was fine and he started talking to her.  He asked her if she had a case worker.  She said No (remember Rachel Alexander???).  She said she really needed to talk and meet.  So P asked her if we could meet the next day in SLC.  She could pick the place.  He also asked if she would be ok  working with our case worker because we wanted to make sure she was taken care of.  She said yes, and then once again, the phone went dead.  At this point, I'd had enough.  I just couldn't handle it anymore.  Whoever this girl was, she didn't have a baby.  And if she did, that wasn't the kind of relationship we wanted. I just prayed that we would not hear from her again, and luckily we haven't.  I'm not sure if P scared her off, I'm not sure who she is or what her end game was, but it didn't feel right from the start.  It made me so angry that there are people out there taking advantage of couples who are trying to find their baby.

I am thankful for the practice.  I think it made me know more what to do in the future when we are contacted by our REAL birth mom and how to start a REAL relationship with her.  I pray that this is not the only contact we will have.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Adoption Education Classes

P and I got to go to Adoption Education Classes this weekend.  I was a little unsure if I really wanted to spend 12 hours in classes.  It seemed like too much and I thought the weekend would be a drag.  I was wrong.  I loved it!  Other than a couple hours, I enjoyed every single minute.  I loved listening to the adoptive parents tell their stories and I loved listening to the birth mom's share their stories.  Our decision to adopt was reconfirmed to me over and over.  It was also wonderful to hear that I'm not alone.  There are hundred's of other families that feel the same way we do, that have been through the same struggles.  I developed such a love for our future birth family.  They are truly amazing people.  Their strength and love and selflessness is something I will probably never comprehend, but something I will be forever grateful for.  These birthmoms are truly the most exceptional people I've ever met.

We invited P's parents and my sister to come listen to the birthmom panel.  We wanted people in our family to understand that although our families will have great joy, another family will be experiencing great sorrow.  It was wonderful that we were able to share that part with our families, so when we have our own story and birth mom, we will have family members close to us understanding that although we are feeling happiness and joy, we may also be feeling sadness.

I am so extremely grateful for the opportunity to adopt.  I am thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who knew us better than I ever thought possible.  I'm thankful that through a loving birthmom, I will get to experience being a mother.

Over Excited?

I think I was overly excited when I replied to my aunt.  I keep looking back at my response and I wish I would have toned it down, just a little.  I should have shown more concern for the expectant parent and told her that the thing that is most important is that she do what's right, whether that is to keep or to place.  And if it is to place, that she find the right parents, even if that means it's not us.  I'm glad I got to experience our first nibble through our aunt, because it taught me better what to do if/when an expectant parent contacts us.

Friday, October 7, 2011

An Email from My Aunt

I just got an email from my aunt who has a friend that might be thinking of placing her baby for adoption.  She wanted to know if we would be ok with an inter-racial baby.  Of course we would!  It was craziness how excited I got thinking THIS could be our birth mom.  This is really our first lead and I know I shouldn't get too excited, but as soon as I got her email, my heart started pounding and I couldn't think about anything else.  I called P right away.  After we discussed the email and that I should definitely email her back that we were interested, P started talking about other things.  I'll be honest, I had a hard time concentrating.  All I wanted to do was email my aunt and tell her YES, YES, YES!  I'm not going to get too excited, because my aunt's not even sure her friend wants to place, and her friend might not even be interested in us, but I love feeling like something's happening.  I'm going to find it very hard to concentrate until (if I ever do) hear from her.