Thursday, July 21, 2011

Crappy Morning

It's weird how little things can make me feel so upset.  I went to the Dr's today to pick up my infertility form.  As I'm waiting in line and pregnant woman after pregnant woman kept coming and going, I started to get a little sad. And then I started to get angry because I was sad.  And then I was embarrassed.  Women don't go to their OB/GYN to pick up infertility forms, they go because they're pregnant.  I know all these feelings were irrational, but I couldn't help it.  It didn't help either that they couldn't find the form and I was sent on a wild goose chase to find it and still came up empty handed.  Which means I get to go back AGAIN and probably experience the same feelings AGAIN!  I left the Dr's holding back tears.  Then I started to get angry at P.  I feel like I'm doing this whole thing alone.  I'm the one filling out forms and getting all the hard copy information and researching the process.  I want a little more support.  I want a little more hands on approach.  I know that's not rational either.  He's working hard and doing everything he can.  My days are full of time, so it should be me that's taking the lead on this.  But I couldn't help those feelings, just the same.  So I bought myself a giant bag of Skittles and I'll drown my sorrows in those and then tomorrow I can feel crappy because I gained back the 4 pounds I lost.



I too have felt this exact way too! Except my vice is ice cream and lots of chocolate! This journey is a hard one but even if you feel alone you aren't God has a plan for us and it will be an amazing one when we look back :)

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