Sad.......

At the beginning of this month I was so excited and hopeful.  We had our home visit on August 1st and I was sure we would have our profile up by the end of the month.  Our case worker told us it usually takes 4 weeks to finish the adoptive study, but if she could have it done sooner, would we mind?  Of course not!!!  I knew that was wishful thinking so I set my mind on having our profile up by the end of August.  We worked on our profile and we were ready.  After sending an email last week and not hearing anything back, I called our case worker today.  She says we are still another 1-2 weeks out because she still has to do an audit on our file and her boss has to do an audit on the file.  I can't help but wonder what's been going on the past 4 weeks?  Has any progress been made?  If I'd called 2 weeks ago, would our profile be up by now?  This process is taking forever.  Every day that passes, I get more and more terrified that we will never be placed with a child.  What will life be like if children aren't a part of it?  I hate not having that feeling of control over what happens in my life.  There are too many other people that I have to rely on to fulfill my goals and dreams.  I'm not used to depending on people that much.  I'm used to fulfilling my own goals and making my own dreams come true.  We're going to try to get to the temple tonight.  Maybe I'll find some answers there........