It's a Boy

E had her 20 week appointment yesterday, which also meant she got to find out what she has having.  P and I were so sure it was going to be a girl, so of course it was a BOY!  E was so cute and sent us a picture of the ultrasound.  I don't know why, but I started crying when I saw it and every time I think about it, I start tearing up.  I think it's because that could be the first picture of our baby.  That could be our son.  Our Son.  The words don't sound real.  I was also just a little bit sad.  Sad that I wouldn't ever get to experience what it feels like to see my little boy or girl moving around in my belly.  Having the doctor show me the ultrasound.  Hearing the heartbeat and feeling the baby move.  But I guess in the end, it doesn't matter if I miss out on those things.  Those things are just leading to the best thing of all......having a baby.  The more involved we become with E, the more terrified I become that she won't choose us. P is so excited to be a dad and he's always saying things like, "she wouldn't say that if she wasn't considering us, or why would she send us a picture of the ultrasound if she didn't want to choose us?".   He is as ready as I am to start our family.  I don't want to see him in pain.  I want him to have everything he wants.  I keep praying for E and that she will be led to the right parents for her baby, but I can't help but hope those parents are us.  Everyone keeps saying, if she doesn't choose you, then that wasn't your baby.  Your baby is still out there and you wouldn't want to just have "a" baby, and not "your" baby, would you?  Well actually, I don't think I would know the difference.  I think I would love any baby because I wouldn't know that baby wasn't supposed to be "my" baby.  I am remaining hopeful and optimistic.  We could very well be planning for a baby in August.......a baby boy. :)