The Good and the Bad

It's weird how sadness can just overwhelm me in just a few minutes.  I was at the store today and I saw a woman and her daughter.  They looked identical.  It made me sad.  I'm sure that we would have had adorable children and now we'll never know.  Then I feel guilty for feeling sad.  The Lord has a reason for leading us to adoption and I need to be open enough to trust Him.  I can't say I'm not worried.  I want a cute baby!  I know that is worldly and awful, but I look at my niece and nephew and they are so adorable and I can't help but think, I want that too.  But on the other hand, whenever I think about adoption, I am excited.  I'm excited that our baby is out there and that through some wonderful experience, that baby will be led to our home.  I keep having the same fears.......how long????  How long until that baby is in my arms?  How long until I feel like I have a purpose in this life?  I feel like I'm floundering, but being, not really living.  I feel like I am just writing in circles, always about the same things.

On a happy note, we've told everyone.  We posted on Facebook and on our blog and the support was overwhelming.  Everyone is so excited for us!  It really is special and unique that we have been chosen to adopt and not conceive.  Anyone (well almost anyone) can conceive, not everyone gets the opportunity to adopt.  I want to be a mom so bad.  I want to have that experience in THIS life.  I pray daily the Lord will grant me this desire.  I want to experience parenthood with P and all the joys that come along with it.  Please, please, please let it happen sooner rather than later......