Contact

P got an email from his high school girlfriend on Friday.  She mentioned she knew a girl that might be looking to place and wondering if she could pass on our information.  P of course said yes and sent her our blog info.  She mentioned she didn't know her personally, but she had a friend that knew her.  She gave us her friends name and that sent me into investigative mode.  I checked out all the young girls her friend was friends with to see if I could figure out which one might be looking to place.  It took most of my Friday afternoon.  I was not very productive at all!  Then I kept checking our blog to see if anyone from that area had looked at it yet.  There were two hits from around that area, but they came from Facebook and not direct, so I didn't think that was her.  I drove myself crazy all weekend, checking Feedjit every 2 seconds.  I had to know if she had looked at our blog.  I had to know if she had looked and then wasn't interested and that was why we hadn't heard.  By Sunday night, I was kind of a mess.  I figured she just wasn't ready and we had to move on.

But then, Monday morning came.  At 7:59 a.m., we got an email.  Just a couple lines, but there it was!  We had contact.  I couldn't believe it!  Now I had a name.  I started searching again and then I found her.  There she was.......our possible birth mother.  I instantly called P and sent him her pictures and we were both kind of freaking out.  Now we had to compose the perfect response.  I called our case worker to see what she thought. She was on vacation and couldn't help.  So we were left on our own.  It took a couple hours, but we sent back an email.  She responded within a 1/2 hour.  So I met P for lunch so we could compose a reply back.  She responded within an hour.  We were getting to know her.  She seemed wonderful.  This time I had to wait until P got home from work to respond.  We sent our response and she replied right away.  All the emails up to the last one had been full of questions and getting to know each other.  The last email left P and I at a loss.  There was nothing wrong with it, but there just weren't any more questions for us, or really a reason for us to reply.  So we decided to give her a couple days.  We didn't want to overwhelm her and we didn't want to seem over eager.  But now I've been beating myself up for the past 2 days, wondering if she thought we dropped off the face of the earth.  What if she wanted a reply?  What if she thinks we're no longer interested.  I am going crazy!!!

We decided to just get to know her and didn't ask her anything about how far along she was, or if she knew what she was having.  We just wanted her to know, we wanted a relationship with her first.  Waiting for this contact has been hard, and now that we have it, SO many thoughts keep going through my mind.  What if this is our birth mom?  What if she decides to place with us and then changes her mind?  What if she DOESN'T want to place with us and goes with someone else?  What if she decides to parent?  How far along is she?  Will we have time to finish our basement and get the nursery prepared?  Is it a boy or a girl?  I really hope it's a girl, but I would still be overjoyed if it is a boy.  What are some creative ways to tell our families?  I keep picturing P's mom when she finds out.  She will gasp and then cover her mouth and then start to cry.  I can see it all in my head.  I keep thinking about meeting her and what gifts we can take, and how will she tell us that she's chosen us and will we have to hang out in her state for a couple weeks when the baby's born and where will we stay?  P and I could really be parents this year.  This could be happening.  SO. MANY. THOUGHTS.

It's been a couple days and I just can't handle it anymore.  I think I will go ahead and send her a simple email today just letting her know we're thinking of her and see if she needs anything.  It's amazing how much I care for her already.  Ultimately, I just want what's best for her and the baby.  She seems like an incredible woman and I want her to feel comfort, strength and peace as she makes this very difficult decision.