Friday, February 24, 2012

Birth Mom Update

We were contacted by E on Monday morning.  We emailed back and forth all day.  Then it seemed like there wasn't anything left to say, so P and I waited a couple days.  Then on Wednesday night we sent her another email.  We just gave her the link to our LDSFS profile and asked her about some of her favorite things:  tv shows, movies, books, etc.  It was late Wednesday when we sent it, but we woke up the next morning with a reply.  She told us more about her and then she asked us to tell her about open adoptions.  So I sent off a reply explaining what open adoption means and telling her what we wanted in an open adoption.  She sent back a reply just a couple hours later.  She said she wanted to be able to see the baby grow up through pictures, but she would never want to over step her boundaries.  She said it would break her heart to have a closed adoption.  For some reason, her response really hit me.  This is a real girl, who is really thinking about placing her baby.  I finally understood what people meant when they said, her heartbreak would cause our greatest happiness.  Her heart has to break in order to bring me and P joy.  And to me, that was terrifying.  I have already come to care for this girl and I only want what's best for her and her baby.  If that includes me and P, then I will be overjoyed. But it will be hard for me to not think about her and her sadness and her pain.  Talk about mixed feelings.  How can I be so excited and so sad at the same time?  We still haven't asked her when the baby is due or if she knows what she's having.  At that point, it would make it completely real.  Until she decides whether she wants to place with us or not, I'm happy not knowing.  It would be heartbreaking to know when the baby's due date was and not be have that baby in our arms.  I feel really good about E and we feel really comfortable chatting back and forth with her.  I hope this turns into a long term relationship, but only time will tell.


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