Disappointment A or Disappointment B??

I remember when we were trying to get pregnant, the disappointment that would come every month, when I never saw the smiley face or the 2 lines.  That disappointment has now been replaced by a different disappointment.  The disappointment whenever I get an email and it isn't from a birth mom.  My prayers were more fervent this weekend.  Every time I looked at my phone, I prayed I would see that blinking red light and there would be that glorious email from a birth mom.  I think I stared at my phone more yesterday than I ever have.  It was like if I focused and concentrated hard enough, it would have no choice but to give me what I wanted......that one email.  The email that would change our lives forever and for the better.  And each time, disappointment came.  I'm not sure which disappointment I prefer.

As we were driving home yesterday from celebrating Christmas with my family, P told me it was getting harder and harder to spend time with our families because it was just a constant reminder of what we didn't have.  I have been feeling that for awhile now (especially during Thanksgiving and this past Christmas weekend), but it was kind of nice to know his feelings were just like mine.  We keep reminding each other of our favorite quote:

"Everywhere in nature we are taught the lessons of patience and waiting. We want things a long time before we get them, and the fact that we want them a long time makes them all the more precious when they come." -Joseph F. Smith

Waiting has been hard, but I think the holiday season has amped up our emotions.  It has gotten SO MUCH HARDER lately.  We can do nothing but keep on waiting.