Every Child I Look At

When you have a biological child of your own, it's easy to picture what your child will look like:  his eyes, your nose, etc.  But when you are adopting, the child could look like anyone.  I find myself looking at every child I see and wondering if that is what our child is going to look like.  Are they going to have light hair or dark?  Are they going to have blue or brown eyes?  Will they be athletic or intellectual?  All the things you can kind of imagine for your child are suddenly a big unknown.  But there is one thing that remains constant: my desire to be a mom.  It doesn't matter to me what color their hair is.  It doesn't matter to me if they are going to be the star baseball player.  None of that matters as much as having a child that we can call ours.

Tough Day

Today has been a tough day.  I was putting on my shirt and as I was looking in my full length mirror, I started crying.  I stuck my belly out and realized that I would never get to experience the feeling of being pregnant.  I would never get to buy maternity clothes, or feel my baby move inside me.  It brought me a feeling of sorrow, of loss for something I will never have.

I also spent a lot of time today looking at adoption profiles.  I focused on the families that had already adopted.  I wanted to see how the children "fit" into their families.  They all seemed so happy and the part that is the most important is that they looked like they "belonged" to that particular family.  I feel that adoption is a divine process and the birth family is led to the adoptive family.  They are joined in a bond that was eternally destined.

Our first meeting with LDS Family Services is on Friday.  That day seems so far away.  I'm ready to start now.  I'm ready to bring a special little soul into our family.  I'm ready to give of my love and I can't wait to teach this little baby about their loving Heavenly Father and all the blessings He's given and is willing to give.

I can only pray that I'll have a happy ending and that my little family of 2 will soon be a family of 3.